I've been so pumped about everything that God has been doing in my life. I've been focusing on his will and living for him and that's all that I’ve been thinking about. I've been praying more than I had been and relying on God to get me through difficult situations. I've been reaching out for his wisdom and only wanting to do things that will please and glorify him. I haven't felt like this in a very long time and I have been wanting others to be just as excited as I am. It's hard feeling like you're on this high for God and you're standing there alone. I knew that by starting this blog I would be tested and tested and tested and that God would trust me to get through every test. (He trusts us TOO much sometimes! lol!) I knew that the devil would try to make me feel like doing this blog wasn't a good idea and he would try to discourage me, even by using the people I love, but when it happened I wasn't prepared.
Saturday morning I was really discouraged because I wanted to have the perfect message to blog about for you ladies. I was praying and praying and asking God to show me what he wanted me to talk about and it felt like he wasn't there. I seriously started to cry and I told God "I can't do this without you Lord. This was your idea remember Lord?! All I was going to do was write a simple note and move on about my life and live for you, but you said you had something bigger for me. Where are you Lord? I need to hear your voice! I need direction from you!" After sitting there for a while the message about your Spiritual Purpose came to me so I wrote about that. The only difference between that message and all the others I had written was the fact that I didn't hear God's voice as strongly as I did when I was writing the previous posts. I was so frustrated and nervous because I was thinking, Is this going to help anyone? These are my words not something that God told me to write. My husband came home from the gym just as I was about to post the blog and could tell something was wrong with me. We started to talk about everything and I told him how drained I was. (When you allow God to use you, you are moving none stop. Your brain never stops thinking and it’s like you never fully get rest. It’s exciting and amazing, but also extremely exhausting!) He told me that he wanted to tell me something and he didn’t want me to get upset or take offense to anything that he said, then I knew it wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear. I was already frustrated and worried about my post and now he wanted to tell me something that he didn’t want me to take offensively? He told me that he was very proud of how hard I’ve been working on this blog, BUT (there is always a “but” when someone compliments you! Lol) he felt like I was on God overboard. That everything I’ve been talking about and posting on my Facebook page was all about God and nothing else. He said he knew my intentions were good, but others might start to perceive me as one of those “Christians” the ones that judge everyone around them and think they are better and beat people over the head with God this and God that. In all honesty ladies, that is one of my worst fears. I never want to be one of those “Christians” because lets face it who really likes those kinds of people? I sat there so hurt and told him that the reason that all of my post on Facebook have been about God lately is because he’s all I’ve been thinking about. I told him that I shouldn’t have to monitor what I say, and no matter what I say people will constantly be judging me. If I post too much about God and church then people will say I’m one of those “Christians”, if I don’t say enough they’ll think I’m embarrassed about my relationship with God. It’s like I have to find a way to please everyone. I was beyond frustrated and angry at God for allowing this to happen. All I wanted to do was please God with this blog and I was so on fire for him that I wanted to share it with everyone, but now my worst fears were coming true. My husband said that I’ve always had the perfect balance when it came to sharing God with others and that I needed to find a perfect balance for this too. I sat there thinking, what is the perfect balance for this?! Either I can be paranoid every time I post something on Facebook and worry about what others would think, I could stop talking about God all together, or I could just stop posting. I prayed ALL day long for God to help me with this. I wanted to find a perfect balance! I didn’t want to push people away from God I wanted to draw them closer to him. How could I do that?! I kept thinking, is this a test Lord? Are you trying to see if I’m going to give up on this blog? For a split second I contemplated if I should and then I snapped back into reality! “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love and sound judgment.” 2 Timothy 1:7 I kept thinking back to the story of Job. How God gave the devil permission to test Job because God TRUSTED Job. He knew he’d have enough strength to pass all the tests and he knew that Job would never curse his name. Is this what was happening to me? Was God testing my strength, love and trust for him? If so I was failing miserably.
Yesterday I went and visited a new church and the message was just what I needed to hear. The message was about how important Worship is. The pastor said “You shouldn’t be ashamed about worshiping God and you shouldn’t let what others think affect how you worship or how much you worship God.” I thought about that message all day. No matter what I do people are going to constantly judge me. My focus has to be on God and what he is trying to do with my life. I may not understand his plan, but I have to trust him. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your OWN understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.” I don’t think any of us really ever know what God is doing until it’s done. There have been so many times where I was like Ohhhh that’s what you were doing lord! Sometimes it can be months or even years later that you realize what God was doing!
I think we’ve all been at a point in our lives where we feel like God trusts us too much; he thinks we are stronger than we really are. I know that’s how I felt ALL weekend. I kept thinking I need strength Lord. I need to know that I’m not here by myself and that people are praying for me. He always finds a way to remind me that he is here. Sometimes God is silent and that’s when we reach our breaking point and cry out to him. It’s sad that it takes that, but it’s the truth. Living for God and turning your life around to do so will attract both positive and negative attention, and I’m starting to realize THAT’S OKAY!! Every day is not going to be easy and we shouldn’t expect it to be. That’s why I wanted this blog to be a support group because you never know who’s going through what you’re going through. It’s nice to know that you’re not alone in your struggles or your situation. It’s nice to know that God is there in the midst, but it’s also nice to know that you have friends that you can lean on and talk to about what you’re struggling with. Please encourage one another and pray for each other!
I heard this song when I was leaving church and I laughed OUT LOUD because God is so funny sometimes! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. He knows what we need to hear! :) I looked up a scripture for strength and this is what God put on my heart to share with you…
Isaiah 40: 28-31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless. Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who TRUST in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.”
God is omnipresent, which means he is ALWAYS present. I have said it before and I’ll probably say it in every post, TRUST God and his plans for you. He will give you the strength to get you through whatever it is that you’re going through! Please know that you aren’t alone in your struggles. The devil wants you to feel that way so that you seclude yourself, but you aren’t alone. I promise! J Also, know that everything I'm saying to you I'm also saying to myself! I'm by no means perfect nor will I ever be, I'm just a vessel that God is using.
My Prayer for all of You
Lord, you know every heart, desire and need of every single reader here. Please let your will be done in all of our lives. Let us not be afraid to live for you or of the change that you’re sprouting in us. Let us trust the plans you have for us and let us encourage one another. Please give us strength in all of our situations and let us not lean on our own understanding. Let us love, encourage and support one another. Please keep us safe today. In Jesus name, Amen!
I love each one of you ladies. Thank you for your love and support. Please continue to pray for one another. Please show your support for WAGH by leaving a comment! J
Stay encouraged, inspired and motivated and help someone else do the same today! J
Raynisia Nagel
A Women After God’s Own Heart
Sorry you struggled this weekend Raynisia but sometimes you have to struggle before you can truly comprehend what the battle was. Sounds to me like you were battling yourself. Once you sat back and looked at the big picture you realized you were NOT alone and that God was there. I've got two quote for you, one I can't exactly remember but is something like "When you're going through hard times and feel that you're alone, remember that when a teacher gives you a test they are silent as well". Second quote is "Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think" ~ Christopher Robin - Winnie the Pooh
ReplyDeleteLol! Love those quotes! Thanks Brandy! :)
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